All of us are afraid of something one way or the other. As the saying goes, if we weren’t afraid, we would not feel alive. ????
However, there’s a big difference between being afraid and allowing ourselves to be led by our fears.
It is 2019 and more and more people come to the coaching sessions with various fears, manifested under various forms.
Some see themselves as introverts, because they can’t adapt to the demands of new situations. Others are afraid they are not accepted or understood. Others are afraid of being abandoned. Others are afraid of missing something important. There are others who are afraid of travelling, speaking in public or expressing their feelings.
Let me tell you a secret. We are all afraid of something. Yes, all our lives. The difference is whether we will allow those fears to control us or not. Let me tell you another secret. When we are no longer led by our fears, something magical happens. It is true, it is magical, or some famous book says, it is f… it therapy.
We become ourselves and, more than that, we learn to accept the way we are, with good and not so good parts, which, after all, are all ours and there is no reason to deny them.
Ok, ok, now you all should start shouting in unison: what can we do? Or, what can I do, as one of my clients says.
Let’s take it step by step. You should follow some steps that a coach can help you go through, but you have to do all the hard work. So it involves homework 🙂
– identify what you feel – stress, discomfort, fear? For example: the fact that you need to speak in public, what is the worst thing that can happen? Embarrass yourself or not being understood. But is this a real threat? Is there someone or something that puts your life at risk?
– become aware of your fears. And acknowledge them to yourself first of all. When you are alone with yourself and your thoughts, think of all the fears that stop you from being happy. For example, the fact that you are afraid to fly, does this not mean that the areas for your ideal vacation are very limited?
If you become aware of your fears, half of your homework is already done. From here on, all you have to do is promise to yourself that you will try. You can also promise to yourself that if you are still afraid after trying, you can stop. You can try and go to the airport, look at the planes landing and taking off. You can try to plan a vacation with a flight included, in an exotic place you’ve been dreaming of visiting. Look at pictures of that location, start looking for flights and promise yourself that if the pressure becomes too much to bear, you will stop, at least you tried.
– set out a date, whichever one you decide, when you will say you are tired of being afraid of all these things. Sooner or later you are the one who will have to decide what to do with them. Will you let them control you or will you control them? You can even decide not to freeze with fear, but allow yourself to be a little … reluctant. For example, you will no longer run out of words to say or your hands will no longer sweat and the voice will no longer start trembling when you have to deliver a presentation. You could speak slower, you could adopt a static position or you could find a friendly face in the audience.
Because I love so much Chinese metaphysical arts and because I work with them every day, I can also tell you that the people who have the Fear Door in their QiMen natal chart in the Palace of Life, calculated according to the date and the hour of birth, they most definitely had at least one fear episode in their lifetime. But if these people manage to control their fears, they end up as very strong and resilient adults, authoritative figures, professors, coaches, or maybe even advocates.
People with the Fear Door present in their chart can be easily recognized, they are people who like to control the conversation, and they are hardworking professionals. On the other hand, if they have not managed to tame their fears, the same people can remain in the category of people who cannot make decisions or can’t take any risks. They just allow themselves to go with the flow, constantly waiting for someone else to make a decision for them or for life to take them from one place or another.
Manifested at its full positive potential, this is a door that demands respect, and a person born under this door is a person who demands and imposes respect. Let’s not forget that it is basically a Metal door (for the people who know QiMen Dun Jia). For more details check the second part of this article.
Feel free to contact me for further details.